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The Secret that Haunts Me...

At 13 years old, you only THINK you know Everything, but really you don't know Shit. We loved going outside to play. Not only was it a freedom like no other but back in the day it was all you had to do and your parents always suggested it. Parents never truly know what all goes on outside. When I think about it as an adult now, outside wasn't a safe place, even then. We played in the streets. We played in the woods. We went many places, we had no business.

The best thing outside was the boys. Boys were always outside. They always wanted to play with us, as soon as they seen us coming down the hill. I remember liking Robert. He was 15 and rode my sister's bus. I couldn't wait to get to high school just to ride the bus with Robert. He wasn't the cutest thing but he was so sweet and he could hoop. Keisha & Co Co both wanted James. Everybody wanted James. James was 16 and got to drive his brothers car sometimes and his momma was never home so they always got to have company.

Even though they were older than us, they were so cool and always wanted to hang. They kept all kinds of games for us to play. We played Hide & Go -get it, without clear rules of what we'd have to give. In they house, we'd play games too. No matter what game we played, the lights always ended up being turned off at some point. We used to have so much fun. They kept the music bumping and R-Kelly's Bump N Grind was The Jam. With all this fun at 13, we still were all virgins. At least until the secret.

Co Co had finally got James to notice her for more than 10 minutes. So now every time we went outside, we was going straight to James house. Keisha and I didn't mind for real, there were always people there hanging out. Keisha never said it but I knew she was salty about Co Co and James kissing here and there. James was a hoe, even at 13 I could see that, but he was fine though. He had a brother too. Lamont was 19 and out of school. He played football in high school and everybody said he was going to play in college after summer break. Lamont was sometimes there when we came over, but he just ignored us. He treated us just like my big brother did , like we were invisible. At least, so I thought.

We spent the whole summer hanging out at James house. We were there so much we even wrote our names in the sidewalk when the city poured the wet concrete. Its still there today. Some days I would fall asleep there after playing video games and I'd wake up just before the street lights came on. James momma was so nice. She was never really there ,but when she was, she didn't care about us being there. She would just go right to he room.

One day I remember waking up and seeing Keisha hugging Lamont but I just thought I was dreaming. Ain't no way. So I asked her, " Did I see you hugging Lamont?" She laughed. She was all blushing and her yellow cheeks got all red. Obviously I had missed some shit while I was sleep.

That's when the secret began.

I guess when she was using the restroom at James house, Lamont had came in. She said she screamed at first and he calmed her explaining she was just a kid and he had seen it all before. She said, he stayed in there brushing his teeth as she peed. Keisha was to nervous to get up. I mean her butt was out an all. She said he just kept talking about how she was so much more mature then the rest of her friends. Funny thing Keisha also always said that about us. She was the oldest in our 13 year old click, but still just 13.

Lamont knew just what to say to make Keisha smile. After he had talked and talked, he asked her if she was ever going to get up. Keisha said she got up really quick and pulled her pants up in 1 swift motion. Lamont had yelled out "UGH, You didn't even Wipe." Then he began to give her a health lesson as if he was her OBGYN. Told her not wiping is how little girls got stinky coochie. Then proceeded to say, you probably don't even know how to wipe correctly. Lamont told her to pull her pants down and he would show her. Lamont said he was an adult and that she could look at him as a big brother. He was just trying to help her out. Give her some Game. Kiesha pulled her pants down, and Lamont wiped whatever remaining pee lingered from Keisha's coochie. He gave her a few more OBGYN lessons and on the way out the restroom he hugged her. That's what I had saw, and just like that Keisha was in Love with Lamont. I knew right then that Lamont was wrong and I told her." He shouldn't have done that. Keisha you crazy." I remember her telling me to grow up and that I was mad that nobody liked me and never talked to me. She even reminded me about one day when I said I was invisible to Lamont. Then she kind of smiled at me and said , " He see's me and you better not tell nobody not even Co Co"

The next day of summer break was no different. We went to James house as usual. James and Co Co's situation was always on the down low when his friends were around and today seemed like the whole neighborhood was here. There was nowhere to sit on the porch and for whatever reason Lamont was acting funny about letting people in today. Maybe it was just to many people. It was so Hot outside too, I remember that for sure. Lamont was looked up to by all the boys, he had a really nice car and he played football. Like I said, he was going to college to play. He could make them do anything. Race each other on command. Fight each other on command. Anything. He kept some kind of game.

Todays game was simple, guess the number. If you could guess the number not only could you come inside in the AC but you also could get some water. Numbers 1-50. Keisha went first. "50" she yelled out. Lamont yelled out right after her, "That's the number." We never even got a chance to guess. Keisha had hit the number on the nose, and just like that she was escorted in for AC & water privileges. I really wasn't tripping. I was glad Keisha won, she was definitely going to bring me some water so even though I couldn't come in, I was still good as long as I got some water. So shit, we won.

While I waited I watched the fellas hooping playing 21 as they did every day. It was some other chicks that had walked around the block too, they wasn't from the circle but I had seen them before. They had pulled up with water guns and started a melee of fun. We was all running everywhere it was crazy. Them chicks had got they asses good.

After all that running I was thirsty as hell, and then I remember Keisha never came back. James and the others were still returning from they run up the block. They were way up the block from trying to get away, so I just let myself right on in. I'm getting me some water. Before I got the water I went to look for Keisha. But instead I found Lamont. "What you doing in here" he was yelling at me. I yelled back, "Where's Keisha , I'm leaving" He just yelled back " Get out my house" and I never got no water.

Back on the porch, all I could think is where the hell was Keisha at? Maybe 2 minutes later Keisha came out. I immediately asked her about the water? She whispered to me , "Lets go." I remember yelling at Co Co telling her to come on but she kept saying wait, and I remember telling Keisha to wait but she kept walking and saying come on. Fun had really just started. The boys were trying to get the hose to get those girls back, and I really wasn't ready to go. It was early still, an I just wanted water. Why was Keisha tripping? So I just stayed with Co Co and Keisha walked home.

Keisha didn't come outside the next day or the next day after that. We just figured she was in trouble. On the 3rd day her Momma had called my Grandma. Her and Keisha were coming over and they wanted me and Co Co there too. We had no idea what this could be about , but I remember me and Co Co making jokes about what lie Keisha had told now . We felt she should have prepped us better if we were suppose to lie at this meeting. We really had no idea.

When we came from out my room and saw Keisha and her momma on the couch we knew whatever it was it was very serious. You could tell Keisha had been crying. Turns out when Keisha got home and got in the bath tub her momma seen blood in her panties. Keisha lied and said it was her period. We started our periods together like a few months back. Keisha' s momma explained that Keisha shouldn't be on her period and she wanted to know everything we did yesterday and if Keisha ever left our sights.

Keisha's momma didn't trust her, Keisha was fast. She had got caught with boys in the house before, Keisha's momma was scary. She was staring at us and she wanted answers. Keisha said before we could speak "tell her we just walked to the store yesterday." Keisha momma threatened Keisha's life at that point, and told her not to say another word. I knew exactly what this was about. This was about that 20minutes when Keisha had went missing and why Keisha left so quick yesterday. If I would of left with Keisha, maybe I would know more, but at this point I'm just confused as why blood in her panties is even a big deal. An what in the hell could we do, or even know. We all just looked dumb and didn't have much to say. Keisha was with us the whole time, that was our story.

We didn't see or hear from Keisha for a minute, like 2 weeks at least. One day as my Grandma drove by her house I seen her outside, I waved but she didn't wave back. Keisha was really tripping. I think she was mad cause I didn't leave with her that day, but I was kind of mad she never brought me that water. We were homegirls and in this neighborhood all we had was us. We used to fight all the time, but I knew we would be good again soon.

The next day I went to her house and we finally got to talk. I was busy telling her stories about stuff going on at James house blah blah blah. Even told her how I had came in the house that day and Lamont was yelling at me and I couldn't find her anywhere. Keisha whispered to me, " We had sex." My mouth fell to the floor. All I could think about was blood in her panties, and how she left so abruptly, and her momma, and the fact that Lamont was 19. However in that moment all I could say was "Oh my God tell me about sex. "

To be 40+ years old now, and thinking back on this story, I'm pretty sure this was the first time in my Life I knew something was wrong but I really wanted it to be right. I think we both did. Me and Keisha. The story she told was a secret, yet a victory. I mean it was Lamont with the car and going to college. Every girl wanted Lamont. Keisha was no longer a virgin and officially the coolest in our crew. When Keisha finally got off punishment and was able to come outside again she would always sneak to James house. However it wasn't called James house anymore, it was Lamont's house now. Keisha and Lamont had sex all summer. As Keisha's friend, I did as she requested. I never told a soul.

Lamont went to college. Community college, not far away at all. We would see him rolling through the neighborhood when we got off the bus from school, we were Freshmen now. Keisha would always try to walk that way home whenever she could in hopes to see Lamont. He would bring her in the house and we would just wait, normally about like 20minutes. She would come out smiling and I remember she finally was ok with telling Co Co cause deep inside she wanted everyone to know. Co Co was mad she was last to know, and unlike me, Co Co went home and told her Daddy something about Keisha's new sex life.

Co Co's dad of course told Keisha's mom and Keisha's mom went straight to Mrs. Anderson's house. The mother of James & Lamont Anderson who just so happened to be home this day. It was a regular day. I couldn't find Co Co or Keisha so I was hanging solo with the fellas as Keisha & Keisha's mom pulled up going off!! She was telling Mrs. Anderson that she should be ashamed at how she lets the kids run in and out her home and that her son was having sex with her 13 year old daughter. Mrs Anderson immediately smacks James and spews out words of disappointment. James screams and pleads his case that he has never touched Keisha and has no idea what Keisha's momma is talking about. Begging his mother to listen. One of the boys in the yard chuckles out " That's Lamont's girl"

LAMONT! HOW OLD IS LAMONT! Keisha's mother was yelling. She went to the car grabbed Keisha out and said " Have you been having sex with Lamont!!!!" Keisha just started crying.

Lamont Anderson was arrested the next day for sexual activities with a minor.

The day after that My Friend Keisha Killed herself.

A long story to a tragic end that can never be changed. I fear that my friend died in her mind as a villain, however very much a victim. She was in Love with a man at a time when she couldn't even understand Love, but at 13 you think you know Everything.

What if I would of told somebody? Before my friend fell helplessly in love with this predator. Is being a friend the equivalent to being an enabler? Keisha I'm so sorry. You needed me. You needed me to tell your Mother that day. You needed me to speak up on things I saw. I failed you Keisha.

Now I live scared for my kids to live. Real big on strangers an the dangers they present. Sleepovers for my kids are out of the question and at time I myself can barely sleep. 30 years ago I could of made a difference an I didn't. Forgive myself they say. Have Faith they say. You were a kid, they say. However, I long for my friend.

I could of saved Keisha. Please Be Safe & Cautious of Secrets.

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